I can't claim to be a massive fan of The Script. In fact, I think I only know two of their songs - 'The Man Who Can't Be Moved' and 'If You Ever Come Back'. They're both pretty good songs, in fairness. Yet you have to question the lyrical motives behind them. What we have here is a guy who's obsessed with an ex-girlfriend who, I'm sorry to inform him, is clearly not coming back. In the former, he's apparently converting into some kind of hobo in the vain hope that, in response to some vague pang of nostalgia, the said girl might go back to the place where he first met her. This is unlikely, my friend. If she really wants to see you again, she'll probably call you. Or if she's really spontaneous, she might turn up at your house. It's highly unlikely, however, that she'll think 'oh, I really want to see him again...I know, I'll go back to the first place we met, because obviously, in my absence, he'll have given up every last shred of dignity he has and will have decided to live on the street, desperately hoping I might show up again.' The most arrogant girl in the world would be hard pushed to come to such a conclusion. And think about it, even if this most unlikely of events does unfold in a manner akin to your bizarre process of logic, do you really think anyone's going to get back into a relationship with you if you've lost your job, your house, all sense of dignity, and probably absolutely stink through a lack of adequate hygiene?!
'If You Ever Come Back' seems to be at the other end of the scale. Having decided that becoming a homeless person is probably a little bit extreme, the guy is going with an alternative policy of just pretending nothing's changed. So he's going on living his life as if he's in a relationship, just without a girlfriend. And every time he realises that she's gone, he apparently bursts into tears again. Man the fuck up. And what the hell is going on in the chorus?! 'I'll leave the door on the latch' just in case you ever come back?! That's a sure fire way to get burgled. And to make matters worse, after that blatent declaration of lax security, your insurance firm won't pay out. So you'll have no girlfriend, no possessions, and no money to buy new things with. 'I'll have a smile on my face if you ever come back'. How creeped out will she be at the sight of that?! She walks in and you're standing there, beaming at her, presumably with tear stains down your face, in a house that's quite possibly empty of all possessions. She's already walked through an unlocked door, so if she wasn't wierded out enough before, she certainly will be now. At the sight of that, any doubts she was having about the decision to leave you will vanish in an instant. And, just because I haven't quite had enough of ranting yet, how arrogant must you be to assume that she'll think she's made a mistake. You're clearly an insanely clingy person...that's almost certainly the reason she left you in the first place. Act like you don't give a shit, and then you might have a better chance of her coming back. Giving up your job and dignity in favour of an extended mourning period for your failed relationship is unlikely to convince her that you're a viable long-term partner.
So please, whichever one of you writes the lyrics for these songs, seek some sort of counselling. You clearly have a few issues. At no point in either of these songs have you thought to ask why she might have left you. You're just casually going along assuming that you're perfect and that, sooner or later, she'll realise that!
But on a more serious note, it's this kind of bullshit that makes people so melodramatic these days. You're filling all the people who listen to your music with the deluded hope that these kind of gestures might actually win someone back. They won't. It's just that simple. Why? Because it's creepy, it's wierd, it's clingy, it's obsessive, it's arrogant, and it shows no willingness to change. She left you for a reason, and until you realise that and address it, you have no chance of getting her back. So one possible solution is: talk to her. Shocking, I know, and it probably wouldn't fill three minutes and fifty seconds of song in quite the same way. But if you really want to get your girlfriend back, just try talking to her, and stop whining to us about it.
Rant over.
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